Microwaving Yams

pizza > love
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"That someone as beautiful as she
Could love someone like me.”

(via thatguywhosecretlylikesmermaids)

dennys:

sprawlerr:

why does dennys have a tumblr

why do you

(via thatguywhosecretlylikesmermaids)

intoasylum:

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marvel (part 2) | text posts

(via foreverwholocked)

coolator:

the turkey swiss on rye incident

(via thebaconsandwichofregret)

90skindofworld:

From Chris Rock’s Big Ass Jokes HBO Special

90skindofworld:

From Chris Rock’s Big Ass Jokes HBO Special

(via assbutt-in-the-garrison)

marxisforbros:

"There’s a cure?!" asked the girl that kills everything she touches
"Hey shut up we’re perf" replied the girl that makes clouds. 

(via thatguywhosecretlylikesmermaids)

woodmeat:

chevy-raised-jack-daniels-fed:

merrymaudlin:

mercurykiss:

thugburrito:

My faith in pizza guys has gone up 123%

NO LET ME TELL YOU A STORY
So a few weeks ago I was in a hotel in Savannah with my grampa in the hospital next door, Mom was over staying with him, and the battery in the smoke detector went out so every 5 minutes it would let off this loud, high pitched ‘CHIRP’.

It was annoying as fuck, so I called the front desk to see if they had a battery for it, and they said the only thing they could do was change rooms. We’d already settled in for the night, and needed the next door rooms for my uncles the next day, so I said I’d deal. My uncles had my car in the next town over, so I couldn’t drive and get one myself.

An hour later, I’m ordering pizza and have gone insane because the damn thing CHIRPS. SO. MUCH.

So I begged the pizza guy on the phone to stop and get me a battery, told him I’d pay for the battery, and give him an extra tip for it, and he was chill with it. This adorable fucker gets to my room with the battery, opens it, asks to see the smoke detector, CLIMBS ON THE BED, CHANGES THE BATTERY FOR ME, and tests it.

My pizza was only 20 dollars, but I gave him 40 and told him to keep the change.

I am clearly not fully utilizing my pizza delivery person…..

What’s next pizza delivery hitmen

included in this order for a large ground beef is a dossier containing information on your target. he is to be neutralized before delivery. do not let him reach the airport. no pepperoni.

(via thatguywhosecretlylikesmermaids)

beyoncebeytwice:

shavingryansprivates:

methlabrador:

everybodys dad has a weird obsession with something

drinking

oh

(via thatguywhosecretlylikesmermaids)

Every introvert alive knows the exquisite pleasure of stepping from the clamor of a party into the bathroom and closing the door.
Sophia Dembling - The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World  (via dianekrugers)

(via thebaconsandwichofregret)